‘We turned our home into HQ when the kids started school’
04 Jul 2024
When his eldest child enters primary school, Imran Johri starts to feel pangs of separation anxiety. He and his wife go into stealth mode and dial up on the surveillance. In this funny account of strategy meets desperation, the father of three shares how badly he wants the kids to know that all their roads ahead should lead to home.
Imran Johri is a part-time humour writer, full-time father of three who finds the lighter side to parenting every chance he gets.
One of the most pivotal components in my childhood that reinforced the fact that home is the absolute base of operations for us as a family was not some grand gesture or celebratory event. It simply was the daily workday routine of my field technician dad coming home for lunch.
This was not some orchestrated demonstration of fatherhood presence. In fact, it was simply dad rushing home to wolf down a home-cooked meal and then diving onto the sofa for a quick but rigorous nap.
When my siblings and I were younger, this was a hassle. Our primary school teacher mum would rush back home, fix lunch for all of us and, just as we were about to start our post-school playtime ruckus, we had to keep absolutely quiet as dad took his precious short snoozes, ’cos, don’t poke the sleeping bear!
So the lesson then was, literally, be still and quiet, when the fathership was asleep. But the bigger lesson into adulthood, albeit unintentionally, was to make your parental presence felt at home, and to instil the idea that the home was the command centre of our family lives.
This, my wife and I both agreed, was an important component for us to replicate for our own family. So we concocted a plan to make our home the kind of place where all info is gathered, all needs are fulfilled; it should be our kids’ citadel of solace to return to.
A whole new world opens up in primary school
This plan became especially critical when our oldest child entered primary school. Within days, we realised that primary school is a step towards independence – and a step away from us. Although inevitable, it is still a hard pill to swallow as you witness the known universe of your child suddenly expand beyond that which you were once seen as the very centre of.
As this universe multiplies in size, so begins a child’s journey into the chaotic world as we know it.
From new best friends to new adversaries and Pokémon obsessions, the only real way to hold on to a fast-fading mental and emotional connection between parent and child is to establish home as the irrefutable headquarters of the family.
My wife and I decided that as our three children embark on their individual journeys, it would be prudent to establish governance of these expeditions as part of the expansion of our family’s empire.
Just as Rome expanded, conquered and managed their empires, so do we as a family – as our children explore and expand their horizons. And what are the keys to effective governance? Intelligence, stealth and communication.
Bababear to basecamp, over
- Intelligence
Without reservation, my wife and I embarked on becoming a fully self-aware parental unit, employing any means necessary to govern our empire, even if it means resorting to somewhat Machiavellian methods of information-gathering.
The idea is to be in the know — of everything that happens in and around the environment of all of our primary-school going children — and to establish, from the use of this information, that the centre of their larger universe is still and forever will be the home that their parents have built for them.
The execution of this requires some level of strategic finesse.
Intelligence gathering on an institutional level was the first easy step. As a digitally enabled nation, we are not in want of easily available knowledge on most primary schools. From specific teacher profiles to even the philosophy of the principal, these necessary first pieces of the jigsaw are easy to obtain.
2. Stealth
It starts getting harder the deeper you want to go with the acquisition of information. Therein lies the stealth. While parent gatherings organised by the schools and parent support groups can serve as pseudo-interview opportunities, diving deeper into the Internet uncovered specialist forums and social media groups that we could join. All this added to give us a fuller picture of this new chapter of parenting and school life.
3. Communication
To really round up the governance of your new empire, communication with the child is and always will be absolutely key. Me and my wife, or Bababear and Mamabear to our kids, made sure of that.
My wife became the ever-determined family taxi driver – always ever-ready to drop and pick up everyone and anyone in the family. Better to conduct small talk and extract information.
I, on the other hand, took on a job that required minimal travelling and had generous work-from-home liberties. The pay cut was quite painful, but then I could be more present for the kids, aka monitor them more closely. WFH now stood for “work from headquarters”. The plan was on track.
Forget the naps, HQ is in operation
It’s still early days yet but I think my school-going kids get the idea that their new universe away from home is just that. It doesn’t replace home.
They chat with us about school on a daily basis and we use every meal opportunity to ask for an informal report of sorts — including what the most coveted Pokémon merch is that’s trending among their friends.
In return, we let them know that home has everything they need, from Pokémon resource books and references (which I dutifully curate) to Bababear having the most in-depth knowledge of anything that is remotely trendy for all three children (which I take pride in).
All this because we want them to know that while distractions exist outside of home, they should feel safe to bring all their pain and joys back home to us, and we will solve problems together, and celebrate victories together. All roads must lead to home.
Any naps that I get to steal amid all of this are just a bonus.
