Busting stereotypes, aircraft maintenance engineer Mike Ang and start-up co-owner Sanjay Patel are both on the executive committees of the Parent Support Groups (PSG) at their children’s schools. As their kids would say, “Dad’s in the PSG!”
Mike served at Queenstown Primary School’s (QtPS) PSG as an executive member for more than five years and is likely to continue his stint at QtPS as an alumnus even when his son transits into secondary school next year.
Sanjay served at Ngee Ann Primary School for seven years in a similar leadership capacity and is currently a PSG member at Ping Yi Secondary School and Bedok View Secondary School where his two kids are, respectively.
For the uninitiated, the PSG is a school-based community for parents to work in close partnership with the school to support their child’s educational journey. Research has shown that children whose parents are more involved in school-based activities are found to have better self-esteem and more self-discipline, show positive attitudes, and exhibit higher aspirations and motivations towards school. It is therefore of no surprise that more parents – in a bid to build better bonds with their children – have rolled up their sleeves to join such a group in recent years.
We chat with the two gentlemen to find out more about their involvement in the PSGs.
MOE: What is the difference between a daddy and a mummy parent volunteer (PV)? As a “minority”, how do you help to give a varied perspective and add value in the PSGs?
Mike: Daddies in the Exco bring an added “gung-ho” attitude to the PSG and help provide a “just do it” push when things get stuck. For example, the fathers will suggest a rock climbing programme – just to break away from a typical sedentary activity.
Sanjay: At my kids’ schools, the PSG members are very welcoming. There was no real barrier to entry – everyone was there with a common purpose to do something specific to support the school. In terms of perspective, I was able to bring my corporate learning to the table and better engage our PSG community with the school management. But this has nothing to do with gender!
MOE: How did you decide to join the PSG?
Mike: I started out just volunteering for an ad hoc event. But before I know it, I was “arrowed” to organise more outdoor and “garang” activities for the PSG. The Fathers’ Group started small with “Kite Flying with Dad 2015” before taking a leap of fate with the school’s first ever 2-day-1-night “Camping with Dad 2015”. The response for the latter was so overwhelming that there was no stopping us from then on!
Being a PV has offered me many opportunities to spend quality time with my son. In the process, I get to appreciate the school’s modus operandi, which I thought was useful for me to better understand what my son is doing and why.
Sanjay: I joined the PSG as my way of “giving back”. I have been blessed to have a good career. So when my son went to primary school, I was able to semi-retire from corporate life and start my own business with partners. With the flexibility of time, I wanted to do be involved in something which I could effectively make a difference.
MOE: What is the difference between volunteering at a primary school and a secondary school?
Sanjay: In primary school, the PSG is geared towards helping the school with activities and learning journeys. In secondary school, less help and support is required as the kids are older. The PSG has evolved to be more of a “parents supporting parents” type of group and focuses on organising bonding programmes between parents and the kids.
My kids were happy to see me in primary school, even to the extent of badgering me to volunteer to be in the activities they were involved in. But now that they are in secondary school and much more self-conscious, it is important for me to respect their space; which is why I choose to play a more passive role here. I’m allowing my children to define how active they would like me to be in their school now that they are more grown up, seeking independence and developing their own identities.
MOE: What “benefits” did you and your child reap from joining the PSG? How was it enriching for you?
Mike: Being in the PSG allows us to hear things first from the school leadership in terms of the school’s direction etc. We get to ask questions from the parents’ perspective and give constructive feedback to improve on some things – for the good of the student – before they are launched, for example.
Sanjay: My involvement in school has enriched the relationship between my kids and me greatly. They are very happy to see me helping out at school and if they could, would always come up to say “hello” and introduce me to their friends. This in turn gives me the context to have more meaningful conversations with my children. We were able to refer to real people and situations and steer away from a “How was your day?” type of conversation.
MOE: How do you manage your time between work, home and volunteering?
Mike: Tough one. I have to sleep less and eat at double speed! Jokes aside, I would say – prioritisation. Parent-child events always take place on a Saturday and we mostly hold our meetings in the evenings after work. As most of us work regular hours (Mon – Fri), this reduces the need for many to apply for leave. Having a great team that covers each other helps as well. When we attend PSG activities, we always try to go as a family as this allows us to spend time together.
Sanjay: Managing time can be a challenge. It helps to have a calendar of PSG activities in advance, so that we can plan our time around it – and commit to the task. As this is important to me, I made it clear to my work associates that I wish to participate in my kids’ school activities at the onset. In our company, we advocate a “family first” culture. Given that my business partners are dads themselves, they are equally supportive.
MOE: What are some of your most rewarding memories of being a PV?
Sanjay: In my Exco capacity, I have liaised with the school on behalf of a broad base of parents to bridge communication gaps between them and new bus operators, for example. I would like to think that I’ve helped to diffuse some potential conflicts!
Apart from that, I also did traffic duty every day for the past six years, helping to get the kids out of cars quickly so as to manage the queues and jams. Some children would forget to bring their things from their parents’ cars; while the younger ones who have not quite settled down yet would cry. We would put on a big smile and cheer them up. Most parents were appreciative of our presence.
MOE: What keeps you going?
Mike: My son is proud of having a daddy who is involved in helping to organise activities with and for other dads in school. He would come home with the school newsletter and declare us “famous” because we are being featured – again! Although he sometimes also becomes a tad wary of me being too chummy with the school leaders. (May not be such a good thing to be too famous!)
But at the end of the day, seeing the joy on the children’s faces as they spend time with their parents is what drives us.
Sanjay: Ultimately, I would say seeing the kids enjoy themselves is the most rewarding part of the job. When they see me often enough and start to wave even outside of school – I know in some way, they regard me as “one of their own”.
MOE: What would you tell parents who are considering to join the PSG?
Mike: I believe one must make time for what is important. For me, family comes first. It has been a fulfilling experience watching my son grow, imparting life skills to him and spending time together. There will never be a next time. So do make time now – or never.
Sanjay: It means a lot for kids to see their parents at school. Their smiles bear testament to our contribution. In addition, getting to know fellow parents with kids in the same class as mine helps us to understand our children – as we can relate better to them. With a strong parent support network, one can pick up tips based on what other parents and alumni members are experiencing and apply the learnings to his own children.
MOE: As a parting shot, could you share some advice on how parents can support their child and provide guidance to build a positive and trusting relationship – even if they are not involved with the school as PVs?
Sanjay: I am no childcare expert but would just share these simple tips, which I find useful:
- Hug your child and let them know that you love them (daily if possible)
- When your child is talking or sharing his stories with you, put your phone down, give them your full attention and really listen
- Get in the habit of sharing with them what you did in your day, and then ask them about theirs – start at the dining table
- “Date” your kids individually from time to time for an activity or over a meal – it would mean the world to them
- Let your kids know that your door will always be open for them whenever they need your advice or just want to talk. In a conversation, share your own growing up experience – your kids will find you more relatable!
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