Not many parents can claim that they’re studying in the same school as their child, but 48-year-old dadfluencer Kelvin Ang, who goes by the social media moniker “Cheekiemonkies”, can.
He’s currently enrolled at Ngee Ann Polytechnic in a one-year Specialist Diploma in Youth Development & Mental Wellness, while his eldest of three children, Ashton, is studying for his Diploma in Tourism & Resort Management. They’ll both be graduating later this year.
Schoolbag speaks with Mr Ang to find out more about being an adult learner AND a schoolmate to your teen.
Schoolbag: Hi Mr Ang! Why did you decide to go back to school?
Mr Ang: It’s really out of interest. Twenty years ago, I started a blog to share with fellow parents on places to bring their kids. Over the years, the blog has snowballed into something bigger and more parents are coming to my social media platforms for ideas and recommendations on activities to do with their kids.
After my kids entered their teenage phase, parents started messaging me for advice on dealing with their teenagers – for example, how to get them to put their games down and spend more time with the family.
My experience is limited to my three kids, so I can only share what I’ve done with them. But I realised that a lot of parents want to better engage with their children, they just don’t know how or where to start. When I came across the Diploma on Youth Development & Mental Wellness, I thought that these were useful skills to pick up, to better engage with our youths. So I decided to sign up.
Schoolbag: Did you choose Ngee Ann Poly because your son is also studying there?
Mr Ang: (laughs) No. It is the only poly that offers this Specialist Diploma. It’s just coincidental that he’s also a student there. We’re studying completely different things, and he’s doing an internship this semester so we don’t actually get to see each other that much on campus.
Schoolbag: How did your family respond when you told them you were going back to school?
Mr Ang: They were surprised, but there wasn’t a huge adverse reaction from them. I had been talking about it with my wife for a while, so she knew. But my kids were like “Huh?” To them, they want to get out of school, yet I wanted to go back to school.
Schoolbag: Was it a difficult decision to start studying again, since you left school many years ago?
Mr Ang: There was a little apprehension initially about returning to school, and whether my mind is too rusty for it. It’s also very different from what I studied back in uni – mechanical engineering. But the good thing about this diploma is that it’s not exam-based, it’s mostly individual assignments and group projects. So we don’t have to cram information for the sake of scoring well in tests. Instead, we learn about facilitation skills and come up with programmes related to mental wellness for youths. These are technical skills that we can’t really “mug” for, so I wouldn’t say it’s been much of a challenge.
Schoolbag: As a parent, why are you so passionate about mental wellness?
Mr Ang: The simple answer is that I just want to be able to better communicate with my kids. I realised that we need to better manage our children’s feelings by getting them to open up and recognise that we are supporting them without judgement. A lot of times, youths would rather confide in their friends than their parents because they’re afraid that we would judge them or give them a quick-fix solution. As adults, we think we’ve been through it all, so we try to solve our children’s problems by offering suggestions. But kids do not always want that. All they may want is somebody to listen to them, and they will figure out their issues on their own.
Schoolbag: How has your relationship with your kids changed since you started your course?
Mr Ang: The way I talk to my kids now is different from before. Even my wife has noticed this. Before the course, when my kids share something with me and I think they’re asking me for advice, my first instinct would be to give them a solution. For example, if my daughter complains about her homework deadlines, I would tell her to just do her homework and hand it up. That’s a very logical way of thinking. But after going through this course, I realised that she’s not actually looking for an answer. She just wants to vent, and what I’ve learnt is to talk her through her feelings – Why are you feeling like that? What can you do to make yourself feel better? What can I do to support you? The tone that I use to converse with my kids has also changed.
As parents, we always want the best for our kids, and the first step we usually take is to protect them – either by giving advice or trying to solve things for them. There’s nothing wrong with this, but I’ve learnt that this might be counterproductive for them. Two scenarios can happen: They could either become totally dependent on us, or we could be pushing them away because they think our solutions aren’t applicable to them.
Schoolbag: What advice do you have for adults who might be thinking of going back to school but are unsure of taking that step?
Mr Ang: If you think of it as “going back to school”, you might feel apprehensive due to your past experiences in school and having to take exams. Think of it instead as wanting to learn a new skill. Some of the polytechnics have courses like farming, or carpentry work. If that’s your interest and you want to learn more, think of it as gaining knowledge and experience – then it wouldn’t be as daunting as you think.
