Raising a child brings rewards and challenges. If there were moments when you wondered if you were doing the right thing or responding to a situation in the right way, here are some words of advice from our teachers for tackling four common situations.
Scenario 1: Grappling with homework
Your child has trouble managing or completing their homework. As a result, they are falling behind in class.
’Cher’s advice:
Ms Andrea Lee Shu Qi, Subject Head, Humanities, Tampines Secondary
“As a parent, it’s understandable to feel frustrated when your child consistently does not finish their homework. In our school, we follow the guideline of ‘being curious before being furious’. This means that we must find out the root cause of the problem before taking any action or making an assumption.”
“So, I think parents can take a non-punitive approach and solve the issue together with their child. Perhaps the child may be struggling with organisational skills or time management skills. You can advise them to tackle the more challenging subjects in the afternoon, when their mind is more alert.”
“Sometimes, they may have trouble committing their thoughts to paper. Perhaps they are afraid of making too many mistakes because it’s one of their weaker subjects. In this case, encourage them to just write down their analysis and answers, even if it may be incorrect. Guide them through the corrections and let them learn the importance of trial and error. This way, it will build up their understanding and confidence in tackling their homework.”
Mdm Ye Yuluan, Senior Teacher, Chinese Language, Yio Chu Kang Secondary
“Sometimes, the child may not be finishing the homework because the subject is boring to them. What the parent can try to do is help their child make connections to the real world, or something that they are interested in.”
Let’s say your child is not interested in learning Chinese. One way to get them interested in it is to appeal to their hobbies, such as watching variety shows or films. Introduce them to films that are in Mandarin so that they will learn how to appreciate the usage of the language better and absorb the information naturally. Then, applying that information to their homework will be easier. Besides TV programmes, certain IT tools, such as games and online learning sites, may also help the children to experience more interest and joy in learning.”
“I would also advise parents to always first affirm their child’s efforts, especially when they are trying hard. Celebrate incremental wins. Doing homework can be tough and challenging. So, reaffirming their wins is important as it gives them the confidence to tackle other pieces of homework. “It’s also important to give your child breaks. If not, they may burn out. So, don’t be afraid to give them some downtime between homework assignments and let them have some play time. This way, they can recharge and be more refreshed to tackle the next batch of homework.”
Scenario 2: Dealing with distractions
Your child is way too busy playing computer games or being on social media and it’s having an adverse impact on their life in school and at a home.
’Cher’s advice:
Mr Lim Yong Khern, English teacher, Zhonghua Secondary
“With smartphones and Internet being so ubiquitous, it’s difficult for children to be free of distractions. I think parents should not deprive their child of social media usage or games because they are outlets for them to de-stress or socialise with their friends.”
“What you can do is set limits or rules on their usage. Tell them they need to complete their homework first before going online to play. Or divide their playing time into chunks. For example, after completing their Maths homework, let them play for 20 minutes before getting them to start on their Science homework. That way, you are motivating your child to finish their homework by giving them breaks in between to play.”
Ms Saedah Bte Mohamed Hussien, Malay & Head of CCE, Xishan Primary
“I think as parents, it is important to help kids set boundaries and reduce the screen time. But they must also set a good example first. Children often look to parents as role models, so it would be important for parents to practise what they preach.”
“For example, set aside a protected time when they and the child do not use their smartphones. This could be a time when the child would be focused on their homework, and the parent would be reading, for example. They can also substitute these ‘distractions’ with healthy family-bonding activities like exploring the neighbourhood or going for heritage trails.”
Scenario 3: Managing relationships with classmates
Your child has trouble getting along with their classmates. This has led to conflicts among them.
’Cher’s advice:
Ms Vivian Quek, Science and Maths teacher, CHIJ Our Lady Queen of Peace
“Parents can start off by what I call ‘deep listening’. This is about approaching the problem from an unbiased standpoint and carefully listening to what your child has to say. If your child is crying, don’t start with an assumption. Instead, gently ask them what it is that is causing them to feel sad. “
“Let them articulate their problems at their own pace and guide through the steps to resolving the problem. I would also recommend that parents work with the teachers to get a broader understanding of the issue so that all parties can work constructively to address the problem.”
Mr Lim
“As parents, we must take a genuine interest in our child’s social life, and not just step in when something is wrong. Invite their friends over to your home for gatherings and get to know them better. I always make it a point to remember the names of their friends or the things that they do together, so I get a better understanding of my child’s social life, and it gives me assurance that they are in good company.
This way, if my child is experiencing problems with classmates or friends, I am able to discuss it with her as I have knowledge of her social life.”
Scenario 4: Stressing out over exams
Your child is worrying about exams and feeling despondent.
’Cher’s advice:
Mdm Connie Yeo, Science teacher, Yio Chu Kang Secondary
“It is natural for some children to feel stressed when they are preparing for an examination. I think it is important for parents to be that pillar support and help their children stay positive.”
“Parents can share how they overcame their fears or stress during their school days and in their careers. Finally, it is important for parents to not place too much emphasis on academic results or impose their expectations on children. Help them to discover their life goals instead and support them as they work towards achieving those goals.”
“Additionally, parents can impress on their child that their attitude towards the learning process is more valuable, as having the right mindset would take them further in life. They can share examples from their own experience and walk the talk because kids learn by examples they observe.”
Ms Saedah
“Parents can engage in mindfulness activities with their children to calm them down during exam periods. What I like to do with my students every morning is take 3 to 5 minutes to relax their mind.
This involves them engaging in deep breathing exercises with their eyes closed. Help them form a mental picture of a calming scene by describing a scene at the beach, for example – the crashing of waves against the shore; the rustling of sand; the cool breeze against faces. Do put on some soothing music as well!”
