What’s bothering your primary schooler?

Like adults, children face life’s pressures too. Support them through these challenges with expert tips from school professionals.

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As adults, we often assume that children lead carefree lives; they don’t have to pay the bills or juggle work and family responsibilities. But primary schoolers do face their own set of stress and worries.  

Ms He Kangya, Vice-Principal at Greendale Primary School, says that stress is a natural part of life at any age. While it can be motivating in small doses, too much stress can be overwhelming. “Children may find it more difficult to manage stress because they haven’t yet developed the skills to know how to regulate themselves,” she explains.  

Nonetheless, there are ways to guide them to tackle challenges in healthy ways. Ms He, along with teachers and a school counsellor, shares some common worries of primary schoolers and offers these tips on how to support them. 

1. “No one seems to want me in their group. I feel left out.” 

Social connection and friendships are top priorities for primary school preteens: Do their friends think they are cool? How can they fit in? As they reach upper primary level, students start grappling with issues related to a sense of belonging while forming their self-identities.  

Mr Mohd Norzaidi Bin Ahmad, Head of Department (HOD) of Educational Support at Naval Base Primary School, notes that it is common for them to feel distressed over being excluded from peer groups. They also desire to be popular among peers.  

Mdm Sharifah Taibah Alhabshie, Senior School Counsellor with Junyuan Primary School, explains that friendships are important to children at this age. “When something happens in the friendship, it really shakes them up. As adults, we may see it as a minor issue and think it’s something they can overcome easily, forgetting that it impacts them a great deal,” she says.  

While schools have structures to facilitate healthy social relationships, adults in the child’s life also play a crucial role in helping them understand their emotions. Mr Norzaidi emphasises that guiding students to relate to others and develop healthy relationships is a key component in Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) and Character and Citizenship Education (CCE) lessons. “As a teacher, I let the students talk about their feelings and also reassure them that it’s okay not to be popular. The most important thing is to learn to accept themselves and be respectful to others,” he shares.  

“Some children tend to internalise their struggles and they may think that something is wrong with them when they encounter setbacks. Acknowledging the child’s feelings when they share their concerns makes them feel supported and understood, and it is the first step to helping them see that this is a normal part of growing up,” shares Ms He.  

Resist the urge to solve problems for the child. Instead, talk it through and brainstorm possible solutions together. At times, it could also require no solution but just a mindset shift in how a situation is interpreted. “It would be helpful to understand where the lack of connection stems from. Find out from the child’s perspective what they think the issue is,” Ms He says. For example, having different interests with their classmates might not actually be a problem. They could try to find common ground or learn about new things by discussing hobbies and activities they enjoy.  

2. “My mum and dad think I’m not doing my best in my studies – and that makes me feel like I’m not good enough.”  

Mr Norzaidi acknowledges that parents naturally want their child to do well academically. However, feelings of inadequacy can arise when children feel their efforts are unappreciated. “Some students tell me that when they improved by three marks, their parents said that it wasn’t enough because they did not meet the 50 per cent target,” he says, noting that this can demoralise the child.  

Even small improvements should be celebrated to foster a growth mindset and positive learning attitude. “The definition of success is not purely academic. It’s also important to recognise and celebrate small successes,” Mr Norzaidi says.  

Teachers, he adds, also play a role in cheering students on. “On our end, we share good news with parents when the child makes progress, no matter how small. For example, if the student puts in effort to not leave the questions blank, even if the answers are wrong, it shows that he did not give up. To me, that’s a child trying his best.”  

3. “I’m tired all the time from tuition and enrichment classes.”  

In helping children meet learning goals, it is important to pause and consider what truly supports their growth. Some teachers see over-scheduled students struggling to catch a breath. While some can juggle enrichment classes and school work, extra classes should not compromise a child’s well-being.  

Mr Daniel Anand Kolandai, HOD of Student Management at Junyuan Primary School, says, “If the child is able to complete their homework every day, that itself is revision and good enough. It is the parents’ choice to sign their child up for enrichment classes, but we always emphasise that the child must have sufficient sleep and rest.”  

Children aged six to 13 are recommended to have at least nine hours of sleep daily to grow and develop well. If the child struggles to stay awake in school, it is a sign that they do not have sufficient sleep.  

Most schools have strategies in place to support students who require extra help with their learning, such as remediation classes. “For example, even at the Primary 1 and 2 levels, Junyuan Primary identifies students who may be lagging behind their peers and provide additional support, especially in reading and numeracy skills,” Mr Daniel says.   

4. “With tests spread out over the term, I get really anxious – it feels like I always need to stay on my A-game.”  

Bite-sized checkpoints spread out over the term can be valuable tools for learning and growth. Rather than viewing assessments as outcomes that “judge you”, Ms He suggests taking a different perspective by thinking of them as “a friend who journeys with you”.  

“As a young teacher, I discovered that the word assessment came from the Latin root assidere, which means ‘to sit beside’. This changed my world view of what assessments are. They act like little checkpoints and signposts that show your progress, strengths and areas for improvements,” she says.  

Even if students do not meet a target for a particular test, use the experience to reflect and identify the next steps. “I help my students see that their motivation and dedication are strengths. It’s not just about the outcome; the process and attitude toward learning are valuable too,” Ms He adds.  

She uses the analogy of the brain as a muscle. “You need to practise and train it. Lifting heavy weights is difficult at first, but by stretching yourself and doing difficult things, you grow stronger every day.” 

5. “What if I do badly for my PSLE and ruin my whole life?”  

It is helpful to remember that primary and secondary school are a part of the learning journey. Mr Daniel emphasises that children have “many more years ahead of them, and some may be late bloomers”; see the various growth opportunities ahead even if they are not reaching their potential yet. 

At this stage, focus on discovering their interests, talents and strengths. It’s about finding a balance in what suits the child best. Instead of stressing about meeting a blanket Achievement Level (AL) score for all subjects, work on their strengths.  

The Direct School Admission (DSA) scheme offers an alternative pathway to secondary schools based on talents like sports, music and leadership. Additionally, with Full Subject-Based Banding (SBB), students have greater flexibility to take subjects at different subject levels – from G1 to G3 – in secondary school. “SBB stretches students, so if they are good in certain subjects, they can study it at a higher level,” Mr Daniel says.   

6. “My parents want me to get into their alma mater – what if I end up disappointing them?”  

Remember, every child is unique, with their own aspirations. For parents aiming for specific secondary schools, Mr Daniel advises, “Have you asked your child what they want? Sometimes, parents project their own unfulfilled dreams onto their child, and in doing so, create pressure. It’s important to have a conversation on which direction your child wants to go.”  

Provide opportunities to explore different secondary school options and interests that resonate with them. Unsure where to start? Check out MySkillsFuture portal for primary school students, and begin a conversation from there.